I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
