I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
