I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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