mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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