Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
