my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just cropdusted the office
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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