She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
