Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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