Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
