I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
