im holly from the hills drunk
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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