My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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