where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
