the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
