Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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