Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
