someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
