im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
