I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
