i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
