Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
