he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
