Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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