Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
