I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
