why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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