god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Its about making memories worth repressing
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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