Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
