Your face is a jimmy john
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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