Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
