Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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