Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
