Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
