you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
