Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
