I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's blow job season.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
