She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
