Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
