I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
