He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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