420 ftw
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
