a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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