I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
