pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
