The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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