decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
