hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
