Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
