Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
