Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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