I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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