Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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